Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Double the Trouble

So I am 10 days away (max) from having a second child, a mere 18 months after having the first one. And by “having”, I am not delusional in thinking I have a major role in this process. Regardless of how miniscule the impact is on my life in comparison to the impact on Tatum’s, it is still a major transition. Tatum and I will now need to figure out how to handle two kids at once. We can trade kids back and forth, but no more taking breaks.

I’ll be honest: I have given very little thought to what is happening. With the second kid, you are so focused on the first kid that you don’t give the same ridiculous amount of energy and focus into watching the stomach grow while talking gibberish to it. It really sneaks up on you!

Here are a few of my ponderings now that we are days away:
  • I have been really proud of myself over the past month. I often think of the future, create worse case scenarios, and then try to plan for them. I have realized recently how much time I wasted doing that. Regardless of my preparation, having 2 kids is going to be chaos. And when that chaos begins, I will step up to the plate and handle it to the best of my ability. For now, I’m focusing on enjoying the remaining days that we have as a family of three. I can just sit and watch Avery explore all through the house, and give her my sole attention. I am enjoying my morning routine with her without any crying in the background. I am enjoying my sleep. I am soaking in everything that I will miss.

  • Not knowing whether we are having a boy or girl has made it difficult for me to fully attach to the future reality. I would prepare my heart completely different if I’m having a boy as I would to finding out I’m having a second daughter. I know I’m going to be excited either way, but I don’t know how much that excitement will become a reality until the moment I meet our baby.

  • I really want a boy. Everybody knows that. I want to experience what it is like to be the father of both. Yet it has hit me how much I enjoy cuddling and hugging Avery, and also protecting her in my own pacifist way. With a boy, I’ll probably have to throw him around a bit more. A buddy to teach and mentor into manhood, or another princess to honor and protect. I really can’t go wrong. It’s a win-win.

  • Tatum and I are planning on spending a day alone on Friday to process what is ahead. We both have had an extremely busy year, and have not had the space to fully grasp what this transition means. One of the major losses for me is disrupting something that I find beautiful: how we function as a family of three. Yet I know that our family is not complete, and this 4th member will bring a dynamic that I would never wish away once I have experienced it. I trust the wisdom and experience of others who say my love will expand and be equally strong for Baby #2 as it is for Avery.

  • I must be getting old. It has only been 18 months, but it seems so long ago that Avery was a newborn. I know it will come back quickly, but it feels like I forgot everything. They poop a lot, don’t they?!
Overall my excitement is starting to catch up to my anxiety. I’m ready to find out who this 4th member of our family is. I’m excited to see how our family grows and changes with the addition. I’m excited to make up new nicknames, songs, and traditions. I’m excited to see how Avery embraces the role of a big sister (on her good days). I’m excited to be a father again.

Here goes nothing!