Reflections of a 3-week old Father

Yes. I have been a father for 3 weeks now. Since a few have asked my thoughts, I decided to share my reflections as I’ve taken on this new role.
The backdrop you should know:

• I read zero books in preparation for this life-changing role.
• I have rarely hung out with kids throughout my life, except when I was a kid of course. When I walk into Floodkids (children’s ministry at my church), I panic and stare at the kids as if they are speaking a different language that I no hablo. Don’t get me wrong… I have always loved kids, but more from a distance.
• I love my nieces and nephew, but my best way of connecting with them has produced the nickname: Crazy Uncle Eric.
• I had never changed a diaper, watched a video on how to change a diaper, or even spent any logical energy in assessing the best tactics for said diaper-changing. (I’m sure I’ll share my first diaper change at some point)
  

So, here are some noticings, with the more trivial coming first:
1. Half of my times with Avery so far seem to be when she is not the happiest. I often change her diaper in the midst of the transition from Leftie to Rightie (or vice versa). This means that she is still hungry, so feeling the cool air on her bottom is not her first choice. Luckily she connects my voice to that, and the following scenario….

2. I keep thinking that I am hurting her when I change her diaper because she is crying. Which makes me wipe more gently. Which means it takes me longer. Which means Avery feels the cold air longer. Which means she cries more. Which means I am ultimately shooting myself in the foot.

3. I am not good at making songs up. And most of the songs in my head are not kid-friendly. So I end up singing “Jesus Loves Me” around 27 times in a row. I am currently working on a modified version of a DC talk song, which will be titled, “The Easy Way.”

4. I continually ask Avery “What’s wrong?”, despite knowing full well that she cannot answer that question. I also tell her “You’re okay!”, when I have no clue. Sometimes I have an entire conversation with her with her continual response being the monkey face.

5. Avery seems to have a lot of the same tastes as my wife. I have made this realization through several statements from Tatum. “Avery would like you to shave.” “Avery wants you to put some cologne on.” Weird, I can almost hear her mother making those same requests.

A few more significant…..
6. I have often felt disconnected. I can’t feed Avery, which is her absolute favorite thing to do in the world! She is often more calm in Mom’s arms then she is in mine. I’m actually okay with this, since she has known Mom for 9 months longer than me. And Tatum is a very natural Mom, while I am a loving but awkward Dad at times. The one thing that warms my heart is when I can tell she recognizes my voice. I know this will change, but I’ve realized my focus needs to be in serving Tatum. Which leads to the next one…

7. I have never had more respect for my wife then in the weeks following Avery’s birth. And since you can never really know how much I had previously respected my extremely gifted and beautiful wife, this statement will never carry as much weight as it is intended to produce. Being induced (which just produces a longer labor), going through labor, and then ending in a C-section is hard enough. But then watching her valiantly learn how to be a mother while not being able to sit up on her own, fighting off an infection with a 101 fever, and enduring the beginning pains of nursing, has made me love her ever more dearly. And praise the Lord in heaven I was born a man.

8. Although it’s a sacrifice, and an extremely daunting responsibility, I’m so proud to be a father. I know my love for Avery will continue to grow, which is exciting. For now, I’ll just enjoy watching her make 37 different faces while sleeping.

The Finish Line!

I made it! I ran through the finish line. The cheers and the emotions are still very real with the realization that I just finished the hardest race of my life thus far. Granted, I have not tackled many hard projects, but the sacrifice that it took to get my masters degree seemed very similar to a marathon. I had the thrill and excitement at the beginning. I had moments where I received a second wind and stretches where I settled into a solid pace. At the end, my body and mind were wondering if I was going to make it and were longing for the chance to collapse and relax. And now after two weeks, my body is still having a hard time getting back into the swing of things. I always knew Tatum was cheering me on, but I do not think I realized how much she had run right alongside of me during my race. This hit me as I saw how emotional she was through the graduation weekend. We had made it! And now I am doing whatever I can to help her finish strong (Tatum’s graduation date – August 3rd). School has definitely dominated our marriage, and we are excited about the next phase where we have time to enjoy each other more and to really pursue our careers.

The graduation also signaled the end of my graduate internship at Flood. This definitely caused a lot of reflection. Although I am excited about the full-time, salaried job, I am incredibly grateful for the journey I have been on with many of you. Some of you have helped me financially, and many of you have offered your prayers to help me get through this phase. I cannot express how much I appreciate each one of you. And much beyond the behind the scenes support, we felt the encouragement and the support from everyone each time we saw you or talked to you. Tatum and I are incredibly blessed with friends and family, which shined even brighter through this journey of support-raising. So thank you for believing in us and believing in what God wanted to do through us. And we hope that you will continue to pray for us, even though the prayer updates will not be as regular. Along with that, please continue to let us know if there is any way we can pray for you and support you.

I do want to give you a quick update on the last couple months at Flood. Due to the additional responsibility of moving in May, the last two months were overwhelming with putting a house together (90% of this was done by my beautiful wife) and finishing everything before graduation. But in the midst of that, we had several New to Faith classes along with some growth group training. I wanted to highlight one of the NTF groups. We only had two people go through this last class, and because it was during one of my busiest stretches, I don’t think I fully realized what God was doing. After three weeks of explaining the gospel and answering questions, we found out the woman had accepted Christ and the guy was incredibly close. Although my brain was overwhelmed throughout the class, it was fun to see God work through Mindi and I to bring them both closer to God. What a blessing!

What’s in store now? I officially start my full-time job with Flood on July 1st. The newest job responsibility will be in the area of education, where I will be overseeing any class that we offer for enrichment. In other words, I will be looking for ways to help our church grow in their faith outside of Sundays and our weekly groups. So I am spending most of my summer brainstorming, planning, and putting things on the calendar. Then, after Tatum graduates, we will be taking almost three weeks off to relax and celebrate the close of this chapter. This will include a trip back east to visit friends and family, along with a week-long trip to Hawaii. This second trip will definitely be a blessing to our marriage since we have not relaxed together, just the two of us, in a very long time.

Also, I am hoping to transform Lehmantations.com into something a bit more than a support update blog. I really enjoyed writing devotionals this past year, so I am hoping to explore that a bit more. Also, I will try to post some of the papers I wrote throughout seminary just in case you are intrigued to read them. If you are interested in the thoughts and ideas that have birthed out of my education, please check back on occasion. I will also email you if I add any significant material.

I think that is all I have for now. Again, thanks for helping me cross the finish line and I am excited to journey with you in whatever God has in store for us and for you in the future.